Today Is Not My Day to Find You

"Take On Me.
Take Me On.
I'll be gone.
In a day or two."







What is it when you meet someone with whom you share an inexplicable wild and deep connection that neither of you can understand, and which may not, in any circumstances, be at all expressed.

Silent. Baffling. Swirling. Still. Timeless.



What is it when the sheer power of the attraction between you and another actually compells you to want to make an urgent exit from the world you co-inhabit?

I have been here once before. Only this I am going to rise to it.

This time, I am not going to run.





Two years since I bought a book called 'Healing with the Angels', I have come to know that what is happening in these relationships is karmic. It is soul recognition.
We are known to one another: before, spiritually, eternally. We are here to meet in this time and space to teach one another and learn from one another. We chose this. We came for a reason.





When two souls come together, deep love and recognition is felt in a profound way by both. It's confusing. It's inexplicable. But it's there.

I think I've augured enough spiritual strength to recognise that what we are experiencing is love in its purest form: generated from a cosmic and divine source; the challenge is to embrace this cosmic connection for having entered your world; to celebrate a soul mate for having appeared in your life - even when he arrives with a marriage and a family and with that the certain knowledge therefore that no matter how deep the connection this is not going to ever be an expressed intimate relationship.





Experiencing deep and intense feelings for someone whom you know you are never going to be with, can, from this perspective be seen as an invitation to learn and to grow.

It can be felt as an experiential event and lesson in faith in love: ultimately in beleiving that love, in its purest form, is not something to be afraid of.

The magnetism, the bizarre sequence of unlikely synchronicities, are a mark that there is a reason for you having come together. It may not be romantic no matter how determined the attraction. But it is likely very personal between only the two of you.





There is something we agreed to do.
There is something we are here to learn.
And this time, I am not going to run.

When the lesson's learnt, then it's time to go, and then life takes care of the arrangements for the exit. Never forced. Just in the flow.





So now is not the time for me to go.
I could be here a while. But I won't be here forever.
We're here to make a contribution to the world around us. And to one another. Our work is not yet done.

So I bless you, my gift from God. Let's not run. Let's do this.





I wish peace and happiness and joy and love continue to surround and protect all aspects of your world.

And I pray easiness, trust and respectful boundaries between us as we step up to this: our challenge, our lesson, our assignment and mission.


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A-ha's 'Take On Me' was the first record I ever bought.
I was 10 years old.

Today, for the first time ever, I think I know what the words mean. For the first time ever.

Because when at the end of today, I looked back on another day of unspoken attraction and I made up my mind to get as far away as fast as possible from where I am right now. And then, from within me I thought - what if we ride the uncomfortable part until we get to the real truth and beauty and reason of what this is and why we're here now.

And out of nowhere the words came up:

"Today is not my day to find you.
Shying away...

Needless to say I'm odds and ends
But I've been stumbling away
I'm slowly learning that life is O.K.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry.


Take On Me
Take Me On
I'll be Gone
In a day or two."

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And so the journey goes on.
Love through time and space.