' I live in cotton flannel jamas inside out...'

This evening I disovered the extraordinarily breathtaking work of John Robison at: http://jerobison.blogspot.com

Some extracts of this longer piece of poignant beauty and depth are shortlisted at the bottom of this page. They're taken from here:
http://jerobison.blogspot.com/2009/09/part-ii-of-females-view-of-aspergers.html

***
I'm learning.

And I think, I wasn't wrong that day.
Everything, I think, actually is going to be alright forever.
Because I'm learning. And it's beautiful. It's actually very beautiful.

***

Step outside the glass box.

You're beautiful.

And I love you.

And I am safe to be with.

I'll work harder to understand you.

If you can let me go a little. And trust that I am going still to be here.

You have an awareness that is extraordinary and multidemensional.

I don't mind that you interests are broad or narrow - only let them be more than just an interest in 'us'.

You're different.

And pure.

And gentle.

And loyal.

And dedicated.

And devoted.

And deserving of having the brilliance and gentleness that infuses you reflected back to you.

I know that somehow you feel everything even when you can't say a word.

And I know that you know what's right even when you say all the wrong words.

You can not stand the speed and force of my expression.

We're different.

But I'm ready to go slower.

And You - you will teach me to be kinder.

A prism of awareness.

A rainbow of learning between us.'


***

What i read this evening:

On:

Language:
'our play on words is not understood by anyone except ourselves! Also there's a Tourette's kind of way we blurt out what we really think and feel...'

Age:
'We are age-inappropriate. We are childlike and innocent and naive, even when having experienced many harsh experiences. It's a childlike innocence that pervades our entire being...'


Obsessions:
'I go very intensely into one or two topics at a time. Then, I'll move on to another one. These obsessions last years, decades. And while I'm focused on it, that's all I want to do...'


Teasing
'We don't get it. It's so obviously laced with an ugly intent. You can feel the undercurrent pulling you down. Why are you making fun of me? I don't understand. I thought you liked me. I like you. How can you not like someone who likes you? See? It's very painful..'


Sensitivities
'We are sensitive to noise, light, textures and smells....Perfumes? Forget about it! I can literally vomit from perfume...Sounds? I can hear electricity in the walls. I have to unplug everything in the house sometimes just to get to sleep...Textures? Cannot stand, STAND, seams!! Why in God's name do idiots use fishing line to sew clothing? That and these 2 inch seams are asinine. Period. So I wear my clothes inside out. I live in cotton flannel jamas inside out...'


Insomnia
'The brain simply never stops. I can be laying in bed breathing like I'm asleep yet fully aware of everything going on around me. ... I am always aware...'


Social Faux-Pas
'I'm a big old puppy. I'll come bounding up to you with a big smile on my face full of enthusiasm and friendly intent. I don't know that you think I'm trying too hard. Trying for what? I don't understand that one at all. It is true genuine enthusiasm (my favorite word en - Theos -asm meaning having God within), the real deal, not any manipulation to win your favor...'


Routines
'We hate our little routines to be disrupted. I have my little things I do every morning and I will not allow anything or anyone to get in the way of them..I do love to go to foreign countries and meet new people. There they just think I'm a crazy American....'


Overwhelm
'Crowds seem to send me into hysteria....'

I know all of this. I know all of this.