The Right Time to Discover / 'The soul and the spirit, each have got their own limit'

It's my birthday.

I've learnt these last few days about Pesach - the celebration of the end of slavery for the Jewish people.

Two days ago I was at a Seder at the house of a dear friend. We read passages about the ending of the slavery of the Jewish people and sang songs about freedom and Adonai.

Tonight L took me to the temple to experience 2nd night Seder. The Rabbi talked about the end of slavery - and we sang songs to Adonai.

I realised i am a Passover baby. Born in the middle of a people becoming free. I was born in the time of freedom.

I had the thought for the first time that maybe I was born to be free.

***

I reflected on how many times in the course of my lifetime that I have agreed to things that made me feel like a slave: dynamics that involve me giving more than I am comfortable with, giving more than I want to, in ways that exhaust and drain me - in ways that almost finish me.

"You forgot how you got there
And why you never meant to stay"

From somewhere a song I haven't heard for over 1o years flew in to my mind.




I've done this often I thought.

But this evening I realized: I am a Passover baby. I was born in a time that marks freedom

'The soul and the spirit
Have each got their own limit...'

This year, I thought, will mark the start of the rest of my life where I live life like I am free.

'I can't waste a single second,
Living in hell like it's some kind of heaven..'

That's my birthday wish for me.

It's time.

'If one truth leads to another,
There isn't one that I can't uncover...'

It's my time.
To believe in my own ability.
Ability to be Strong. Successful. Safe. Capable.
To live my life with confidence and self belief.
It is safe for me to be free!

Finally. This year. On this day, my birthday - I get it.

'It's Our time.
It's the Right time.
It's Our time to discover'.

Hometown: 'I ain't ever going back'.

I had a really vivid dream about Mcr. I was back there and I was in Night & Day. Faces I haven't seen for over 10, maybe more years were talking to me. Telling me things they didn't tell me a the time.

When I woke I felt like I really understood some things I had never understood before. Some sort of healing had happened. It felt sweet, and I felt settled. It stayed with me all day.

All day I was wondering what it meant.

L decided to take me to experience some thing American I'd never seen before. We ended up in this place. And sitting there, on the inhouse muzak system I heard these words:

"I ain't ever going back.
Back to the place that I can't stand
But I, I miss the way you lie..."


The track is by a band called Doves. The man I built my life with in Mcr had developed the album for the band. It was released the year he and I got engaged. He and the band were awared gold discs for the album.

It was a line of song about a former life on a day when I was wondering what a dream about a former time and place could mean.

I looked outside the window.
The piece of Americana L had brought me to for lunch was called Hometown.




L kissed me on the forehead. We talked about what the rest of our lives might look like.

I kept hearing the last line as: "I miss the way you laugh."

Love carries us through.

Time and Space.