A friend said to me in NYC a month ago, the reason you haven't moved here isn't because you haven't really chosen it yet.
I came back a month ago and thought, I choose to be there NOW. I felt in my body that it wasdone - the choice was made.
I felt my world was different. I could feel that I was there.
A friend said maybe you've made the shift.
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Two weeks ago I decided what I wanted was to put myself through school to study bodywork in Sedona, work for ANH in San Diego, and make regular visits for project meetings to Laguna Beach to open the Raj-Ananda-Shaanti Healing Centre.
I felt it in mu body. I experienced it as real.
I asked.
It happened.
Tomorrow I fly to LAX. And it starts.
And here I am - even more tears.
Because two years later I have never been more ready to go home, and here I find that there are things about being here that I have learned to love. My heart feels happy to know that it's coming to an end. But there are people here that I love without words to describe just how deeply. It pours out of me when I think about them, when I look at them, when I speak to them.
And here I go. Somewhere else. And Why?
A girlfriend this morning said you're being very silent about what you're organising out there. I said I'll tell you when I'm ready.
Because I have to.
Because it's personal.
Because it's time to be a big girl now.
And big girls don't cry.
Because I know what I need to do.
Because I know where I need to be to allow all the rest of it to come together.
I finally understand and know as truth that you get to choose how you want your life to be. You get to choose. You just have to choose.
And I choose this. To end this.
And it feels like the most adult thing I've ever done in my life.
Through time and space.
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